More on hedonic asymmetrical relationships
Having read your essay "Vertical and
horizontal" again, it occurs to me that perhaps what the depressed
students needed was a room-mate like Dr Blauberman (BL). He sounds the sort of person it might be difficult
to have an equal relationship with, and he would not be likely to adopt the
one-down position, but if forced to do so he might well be cringing and
subservient. In other words, he sounds
like an authoritarian personality.
Incidentally, I wonder if he really did drop (condescendingly?) into the
lower left corner when he let up on you in the interview and became chummy
about farming. After all, he did use the
word "gentleman" farmer which sounds to me like an attempt to remain
one-up on someone he had identified as coming from the family of a working
farmer. Don't you think he might have
moved across the board at the same level and entered the upper left
quadrant? Were you not unlike two
chimpanzees undergoing conditional reconciliation? You had undergone the hazing and withstood
the test (having diplomatically consented to lose the fight) and were now going
through a rather asymmetrical hugging situation in talking about farming. But he was giving you both the things the
depressed students were asking for:
confirmation of their being loved and confirmation of their being
one-down.
You
rightly rejected the relationship as offered by BL, but many people find the
role of one-down in a hedonic asymmetrical relationship to be very
satisfactory. There must be countless
examples in fiction. I have just
finished reading Morris West's latest novel The Lovers (Mandarin, 1993),
and a perfect example is given in the relationship between Lou Molloy and
Gorgios Hadjidakis. This relationship is
ideal for both of them. There is no
doubt that Lou is the one-up member; but Gorgios does not covet that role,
and Lou knows that; the asymmetry of the
relationship is not contested, which, I think, is the criterion for the hedonic
mode (6). Another example is the
relationship between William Dobbin and George Osborne in Thackeray's Vanity
Fair, and it is of particular interest because Thackeray writes a little
essay about the psychology of being No. 2 (novelists were the only
psychologists they had in those days, other than philosophers). If you have room, it is worth quoting in
full:
What is the secret mesmerism which
friendship possesses, and under the operation of which a person ordinarily
sluggish, or cold, or timid, becomes wise, active, and resolute, in another's
behalf? As Alexis, after a few passes
from Dr Elliotson (*), despises pain, reads with the back of his head, sees
miles off, looks into next week, and performs other wonders, of which, in his
own normal private condition, he is quite incapable; so you see, in the affairs of the
world, and under the magnetism of friendship, the modest man become bold, the
shy confident, the lazy active, or the impetuous prudent and peaceful. What is it, on the other hand, that makes the
lawyer eschew his own cause, and call in his learned brother as an
adviser? And what causes the doctor,
when ailing, to send for his rival, and not sit down and examine his own tongue
in the chimney-glass, or write his own prescription at the study-table? I throw out these queries for intelligent
readers to answer, who know, at once, how credulous we are and how sceptical,
how soft and how obstinate, how firm for others and how diffident about
ourselves: meanwhile it is certain that
our friend William Dobbin, who was personally of so complying a disposition,
that if his parents had pressed him much, it is probable he would have stepped
down into the kitchen and married the cook, and who, to further his own
interests, would have found the most insuperable difficulty in walking across
the street, found himself as busy and eager in the conduct of George Osborne's
affairs, as the most selfish tactician could be in the pursuit of his own. (p 266).
(*) In 1843 Dr Elliotson published Numerous cases of surgical operation without pain
in the mesmeric state.
Lest I
should be accused of a sex bias, I will mention the relationship between
Francis and her twin in Joanna Trollope's The Spanish Lover, part of the
plot of which turns on the rebellion of the one-down twin after many years of hedonic
asymmetry. She achieves symmetry with
her twin, but at the expense of depression in the latter.
1.
Joiner TE, Alfano MS & Metalsky GI (1993) Caught in the crossfire:
depression, self-consistency, self-enhancement and the response of others. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology,
12, 113-134.
2.
Price, J.S. (1991) Homeostasis or change? A systems theory approach
to depression. British Journal
of Medical Psychology, 64, 331-344.
3.
Coyne, J. (1976) Towards an interactional
description of depression. Psychiatry,
39, 28-40.
4. Coyne
JC, Downey G & Boergers J (1992) Depression in families: a systems
perspective. In Developmental Perspectives on Depression ed D Cicchetti & SL Toth.
5. Haley,
J. (1976) Development of a theory: a
history of a research project. In Double
Bind: The
Foundation of the Communicational Approach to the Family, (eds C.E.Sluzki
and D.C.Ransom).
6.
Price, J.S. (1992) The agonic and hedonic
modes: definition, usage, and the promotion of mental health. World Futures,
35, 87-115.
Table 1. Some characteristics of the
hypothesised basic hierarchical plans.
Agonic mode Hedonic mode
a) stable hierarchy
dominant basic punitive protective
plan indignant
caring
"keep them down" "improve them"
egalitarian rivalrous sharing
basic plan mutual
hatred friendship
subordinate fearful
respectful
basic plan coerced
into voluntary
obedience obedience
"placate them" "honour them"
b) change in hierarchy
(second order basic plans)
up-hierarchy beh-
elevated mood elevated mood
avioral package rebellion
receipt of honours
"bring them
down" "surpass them"
down-hierarchy beh-
depressed mood philosophical avioral package denial of former attitude
high rank
devaluation of former rank
Have the students been made depressed by the
room-mates?
Cultural differences in negotiation of symmetry
may make one think the other is trying to negotiate a one-up position.